The power of saying thank you.

Pedro_P

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Being grateful is one of the best ways to hold on to power that otherwise might slip away.

Top of the pile: Michael Douglas as Gordon Gekko and Charlie Sheen as Bud Fox in 1987’s Wall Street. Photograph: Allstar/20th Century Fox
▼  For the past 20 years I’ve put two ideas about power to the scientific test. The first is Machiavelli’s: “It is better to be feared than loved.” This thesis has not fared well in studies looking at who rises to power in organisations, schools, communities and military units. It isn’t the coercive, manipulative Machiavellian who rises to power. Instead it is the empathetic, generous person who reaches out to others who gains esteem and rises up the ranks.
Lord Acton’s observation that “power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely,” however, is confirmed time and time again. As we enjoy elevated power, we are more likely to eat impulsively, have sexual affairs, violate the rules of the road, lie, cheat, shoplift, take sweets from children and communicate in disrespectful ways.
Putting these two literatures together leads us to the power paradox. The socially intelligent practices that enable us to rise to power in the first place – empathy, sharing, open-mindedness, a focus on others – vanish when we get power. It isn’t just politicians, kings of high finance or drug-addled rock stars who are vulnerable to falls from power. The power paradox can undermine the social life of any of us.
How can we avoid losing power and enjoy enduring respect, esteem and influence? One clue comes from studies of those in power. When we gain power our attention shifts from a focus on others to what is gratifying for us, leading quickly to the abuse of power. Transcending the power paradox is therefore quite simple: just focus on the interests, humanity and dignity of the people around you.
This gives rise to the expression of gratitude, perhaps the most important basis of enduring power. For economist Adam  Smith, gratitude – the feeling of reverence for what others give to us – is the glue to healthy communities: “The duties of gratitude are perhaps the most sacred of those which the beneficent virtues prescribe to us.” Empirical science agrees: gratitude, even a simple “thank you”, is a basis of power.
We can choose to express gratitude in so many ways – public recognition, expressing appreciation by email, by knowing eye contact, a deferential bow, and acknowledging what another person believes. My research has shown that even brief touches to a person’s arm can communicate gratitude – they trigger activation in the reward circuits of the recipient’s brain and soothe stress-related physiology.
Expressions of gratitude create strong, collaborative ties and pave the way for greater influence. Studies find that individuals who express gratitude to others as groups are forming have stronger ties within the group months later. Romantic partners who express gratitude to their partners in casual conversations were more than three times less likely to break up six months later. When experimenters touch participants on the arm in a friendly fashion, those individuals are more likely to sign petitions and co-operate with a stranger. When teachers encourage students with a pat on the shoulder, those students are three to five times more likely to try solving hard problems. Simply being thanked for completed work led participants to be twice as likely to volunteer for more.
Succumbing to the power paradox is the source of so many ills in our social life: anxiety, unethical behaviour and arrogance. But solutions can be found in quotidian practices focused on others, such as the simple “thank you” that punctuates our daily lives.

► This article was originally published here: Source
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★ Suggested reading:  ► The Psychology of Gratitude... Gratitude has many benefits, but is hard to cultivate.

KH_Hirsch

Some people may call it a proper education and not forgetting about it when one thinks he or she can.

Pedro_P

pkb 24-6-2019 06:31 AM
thanks giving on each aspect either its small or big , is british culture . i dont think its good al ...

In reality, gratitude is a very human gesture and is present in many cultures and societies, although it can manifest itself in different ways. Almost all the languages ​​and dialects, have a word that expresses the gratitude.
Personally, I have had the good fortune of being able to interact with many people with different idiosyncrasies and from different countries, and regardless of the differences, they all coincide in expressions of gratitude.
Certainly, there are situations and things for which one is not necessarily obliged to give thanks, especially those that are received and that others are obliged to give us, for example, when one pays for a product or service... But, to be grateful when something is received that one desires, when the other person is not obliged to give it, it will always be a retributive gesture towards the generosity of that other person who is sharing something with one. In this sense, the feeling of gratitude is a gesture of correspondence, not a gesture of obligation.
Generosity and gratitude are two gestures that (at least in this place) coincide freely... No one is bound to be generous, and no one is obliged to be grateful, and at the same time, true generosity never expects anything in return, which turns that generosity into a gesture of solidarity, and the best way to respond to a gesture of solidarity is with: «Thank you»... In a way, almost all cultures recognize solidarity, generosity and gratitude, as gestures that reinforce ties, over differences.
Being generous and solidary is a good thing, being grateful is also good, always.

Rhett_Bassard

pkb 24-6-2019 05:31 AM
thanks giving on each aspect either its small or big , is british culture . i dont think its good al ...

I am not finding any source that "thanks giving" is British culture.
I do find the word "thanks" in many other cultures, e.g. "nandri" in Tamil, "spaciba" in Russian, etc.

Consider that giving thanks (or something else) is usually associated with receiving something, i.e. balance or the Chinese culture of ying and yang.
Consider an even older culture out of Africa: Homo erectus, neanderthal, etc. You either had a relationship of give and take with the tribe (community) or you got left on the side of the trail for the scavengers. If you couldn't hunt, you cooked. If you couldn't cook, you cleaned. And if you couldn't clean, etc, maybe that evolved into giving thanks.

CM should be a community that thrives on give and take. Anything less is a doomed culture.

Chang Tikhak

Indeed thank you is a powerful tool..

chanakyakripa

We often take things for granted. That must not be the case. A little appreciation here and there goes a long way to cement relationships. But, it must be genuine appreciation and not a false one. One need not expressedly say thank you. A genuine smile, a pat on the back, or signs through different body languages can also serve the purpose.

asr335704

Its not just enough to say "Thank you" but it is also very important how you express your gratitude toward someone while saying "Thank you". Without feelings, words are of no use.

Pedro_P

pkb 29-6-2019 03:27 AM
in my opinion yous gesture say everything to othrs . Just say thanks every time show everything go ...

As the old saying goes: «Please» and «thank you», they are the keys that open all the doors...
The gratitude, is in itself a gesture.
Certainly the gestures say more than the words, but the silence also... How can you express with a gesture when the person can not see you?, the words express what one can not express with gestures or actions.
To be grateful is a gesture too, and in the majority of the societies and cultures, it is a gesture of good education and mainly, of respect.
When you say "thanks," what you are really saying is that you appreciate what you receive, that you are aware of the other's gesture or action towards you.
The opposite of expressing gratitude, is to be indifferent, ingratitude is a distinctive sign of superb and pride.
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• The Psychology of Gratitude... Gratitude has many benefits, but is hard to cultivate.

mazherali

“The roots of all goodness lie in the soil of appreciation for goodness.” —Dalai Lama

Viney Mittal

excellent reading. A superb thought...